I wrote this e-mail to my family after reading in the NY Times that the law signed by Pres. Bush over the weekend gave new rights only to "any parent of Theresa Marie Schiavo." The Times article pointed out we are traditionally a republic of laws, not of men.
Now that Congress has gone ahead and written a law that applies to just one specific family, I was thinking it might open some exciting possibilities for future legislation:
Whereas Jack Younger of Dayton, Ohio has a real hot hand with the dice lately, he shall be allowed to invest a portion of his Social Security taxes privately at the craps table of Harrah's casino in Las Vegas, NV, provided he is wearing his lucky yellow bowling shirt.
The Gulver children of Tuscaloosa, Alabama, attending Andrew Jackson Elementary School, shall be taught the history of human development in strict accordance with their family's belief that God created the world in seven days, then later Satan created black people.
For the Ramirez family of San Bernardino, California, marriage shall be defined as the union of one man and one woman. "Man" shall be defined to exclude that hijo de puta Joey Garcia.
If you guys have any more ideas for possible laws, send them along and we'll make sure that the House Republicans act promptly.
My sister Zoe responded:
You crack me up. Please don't ever go into a vegetative state. Zo
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